I am your new Czar

Sueur de Colique

There is a troubling ailment that we, in the home of my troupe, call Variole du Singe, more vulgarly known in your language as the Monkeypox. I am the omniscient expert whom your President has engaged to tell all those of you who are at risk what to do.

My new boss. I used to call him ‘Ma Petite Josephine.’ Jamais plus

Do not worry yourselves unduly. There will be only one, how you say, Mandate, which will be explained to you at the end of these instructions. Most of my directives concern matters of diet, daily routine, cleanliness, and grooming, all designed to enhance your joie de vivre. And so we begin our little manual of steps toward continued health.

Always get a good night’s sleep.

Arise at a well chosen but regular hour each day.

When you awaken in the morning, you must restart your heart with the “Triple Crown Beverages.”

Then your shower. Be thorough.

Next, breakfast, the most important meal of the day. The oyster omelette makes for an impeccable start. Plus one banana. At least one every day, in fact: “A banana a day keeps the pox away”

Dress attractively but not flirtatiously and go on about your day, doing the things you do.

Take time to feed your soul with the arts, such as inspirational films. Tres importante.

Come the evening, enjoy some conversation with the like-minded, in a carefully selected watering hole.

This is definitely the time to consume a generous measure of the most effective preventative for the Variole du Singe. This is not a mandate (not yet, as the FDA is dithering over approving it), but it is a very very strong suggestion. The Green Fairy can save your life. Cease imbibing the medication while you can still stand.

Then the concluding and most important ritual of the day. I cannot stress enough the importance of keeping your bodies healthy through the process of bathing, most especially the Turkish bath, where high temperature steam compels your body to expel harmful internal influences through the medium of sweat. Vigorous exercise vastly facilitates this expelling process.

Now this, THIS is your mandate, as thousands of posters placed discreetly about the nation will remind you of it on a daily basis. You must, must, MUST wear “The Mask” at all times.

Bon matin et bon chance.